House of Sin

Monday, May 01, 2006

Guilt Trips R Us

Saturday 9:30 pm - The madness begins.

"Bastarddddd!!", GH screams at the top of his lungs. He grins and then informs me, "You're going out tonight."

Actually, I went out Friday night and got bombed, but thanks for the offer.

"No thanks," I reply cheerfully. "I'm still recovering from last night."

TRANSLATION: Even though I'd stopped drinking around 3am, I was still drunk until 1pm on Saturday.

PROGNOSIS: The Bastard is on his way to embracing his Irish-Scottish heritage as an alcoholic.

REMEDY: I'm giving my liver a night (or three) off.

"No, really," GH said seriously. "MrBitter's coming over, and We. Are. Going. Out!"

"Yeah, dude," R agreed, popping open a beer.

Hmm. This isn't going to go well.

Saturday 9:45 pm - Their numbers grow.

MrBitter arrives.

"You coming out with us?" MrBitter asks.

"No, I have to get up early and-"

"I'll make sure you get up," GH promises.

I'm sure he will, but, um...

"No, thanks," I reply cheerfully.

Saturday 10:00 pm - The guilt trip begins.

"So, let me get this straight," MrBitter attacks. "You and I never go out together, and now-"

Hold on a second there.

"Waitwaitwait..." I laugh. "What about your birthday?"

"That was different."

"How so? 'Cause you don't remember that I went out?"

"I have a memory like a fox. I can remember anything." MrBitter proclaims.

"So, why couldn't you remember that-?"

"I have to be sober to remember." He laughs.

It's pathetic but true.

Saturday 10:15 pm - The team-up begins.

"Seriously, dude," R comments, "Just come out for a couple drinks."

Yeah, except I spent serious cash on scotch last night, and The Bastard is feeling the pinch.

"I spent a little too much money last night," I confess. "So, I really need to-"

"I'll buy the first drink," GH swears.

"I'll get the second," MrBitter proclaims.

Oh, shit.

"AND I'll buy the third!" GH yells triumphantly.

OH, SHIT. Deep breaths, deep breaths. There's a way out of this.

"I have to work in the morning." I grin weakly.

"I know you have to work in the morning, I make your schedule," MrBitter reminds me.

Fuck. They're really not letting go of this.

Saturday 10:30 pm - Offers are made.

VampBoy joins the pile-on.

"I'll work for you in the morning, just the first couple hours if you want," He offers to me. The smirk on his face and hint of greed in his eyes makes me uneasy.

Oh, THERE'S a great idea. Not only do I get to sleep in, but I'll get to give up some of my hard-earned cash. Plus everyone from work will beat the shit out of me, 'cause they can't stand working with VampBoy.

Pass.

"No, thanks. I don't feel like going out." I pick up my book, and attempt to keep reading.

Saturday 10:45 pm - They're still not letting go of this.

"What you're too good for us?" R asks.

No, I just don't want to go out. Thanks for more guilt, fucker.

"There's going to be lots of women out." GH points out.

Hmm. That's a good point.

"You don't have to stay out too late." MrBitter informs me. "Just have a couple, then come home."

In this town, noone ever has 'just a couple'.

VampBoy starts to fall asleep at the table.

Saturday 11:00 pm - I stay strong.

"Dude's the Berlin Wall," GH announces. "He ain't going anywhere."

Oh, thank fucking god. Is it over? Tell me this is over. I could've been watching bad porn.

"I don't know," MrBitter thinks out loud, "Maybe if we hadn't brought it up so much, The Bastard would be like 'oh, hey, I think I'll go out with you'."

That's a possibility, but you screwed the pooch, didn't you? HAHAHA.

Fuckers.

Saturday 11:15 pm - Last chance.

"You're a pussy!" GH hollars.

Wonderful. So we've moved from guilt trips to insults.

"Yeah. Seriously, dude." R agrees.

Uh huh. Isn't it almost time for you guys to leave?

"It's almost time for us to leave," MrBitter reminds GH.

Thankyewthankyewthankyewthankyewthankyew.

Saturday 11:30 pm - Waiting for the fat lady to sing.

"We're leaving now, " GH says pointedly.

Glad to hear it.

"Yeah, Bastard. We're going." R makes an attempt at subtlety.

One can only hope. Say goodbye now, boys.

"Put some shoes on and come with us." MrBitter takes one final shot at recruiting me.

For what seems like the millionth time, I smile and respond.

"No thanks guys."

"PUSSY!" They hollar.

Walk down the stairs. Go out the door.

"We're leaving now."

STAIRS. DOOR.

"BASTARDDDDD!!" They hollar from outside the house.

Saturday 11:45 pm - Peace on Earth, Goodwill towards Me.

They're gone. The House of Sin is now the House of Quiet. They're downtown, working through a beer, and cursing me out. Boo hoo, says The Bastard.

As for me, I stayed in and rearranged my room.

Sometimes, The Bastard just wants a quiet night at home.

That's exactly what I got.

-- The Bastard.

Posted by The Bastard :: 3:05 PM :: 1 comments